It's time to admit that the problems I have with art are as much about me as they are about art.
Art's got its own troubles. It talks to itself in ways that are increasingly hermetic. Its avant garde principles are now codified in the MFA, which means that there is nothing but irony (or bullshit) in these principles anymore. Buchel is the new Bourguereau. Even though the whole point is that you can do "anything," it's true that we all seem to be looking for that sense of boundarylessness within a narrow bandwidth of expensive trash for rich people, neutered political faux-discourse, bad painting, specific artist obsessions with arcana and "pictures of my beautiful, strung-out friends."
But you know, this is not a new development, and I am the dumbass who, and I am serious here, got into art because I wanted to change the world. Seriously. So I can't move forward until I admit that it's my problem that for almost twenty years I couldn't see that a field of inquiry that elevates Bruce Nauman hopping around on one foot
(not that Bruce Nauman isn't great)
simply isn't about changing the world. It can't be. It's no good when it's about changing the world. And while it's true that most art sucks anyway, the thing that I recognize when I find a work of art that truly moves me is abandon. I think that the BFA and MFA have perversely regulated what abandon means, and that we are all subsequently trapped in a destructive, Duchampian definition of abandon. But abandon is still an appropriate artistic goal. It's certainly more appropriate than attempting to change the world.
You can't change the world with art because keeping an eye on what the world thinks is a great way to make sure you never find the abandon that makes art great. You can't change the world with art because ostensibly you mean a positive change, and it's impossible to cling to the idea of improvement and lose yourself totally at the same time, even if you are only talking about yourself. You can't change the world with art because this gets even more true when you start thinking that you can articize your ideas about how other people should live.
I think you can come kind of close. I like my art. But I also think it's a little precious and that it has to get very, very big in order to get anywhere near that sensation of abandon, and it kills me to admit this, but I know from the inside out that all the variations of Wanting To Change The World are what keeps the art tight. But do you know what sucks even more than knowing that I am making less-than-great art? What totally sucks is that I can screw tires together until I give myself cancer and emphysema, and it will never change the world. What a dead end.
I want to change the world more than I want to make better art. Right now, it's true that the world needs changing more than I need to lighten up. And beyond that, honestly, if I can make it through years of professional artistic schooling and move all the way to New York to "make it" as a professional artist without ever knocking this worldchip off my shoulder, then it's reasonable to question how much I can lighten up. Instead of trying to make myself be something that I am not, I need to go find the real lightness that comes out of working with a situation instead of against it. Art makes me feel dark and angry, and it does this not because it's inherently dark or angry, and not because I am inherently dark or angry, but because doing it makes it harder for me to be who I actually am and work toward what I actually value.
So, if I went to graduate school with you, and I told you when I was drunk one night that I am in this to change the world, and acted befuddled because you laughed, I get it now. And if you are a friend of mine who makes art, I'll stop having such poopy drawers about the art market and how stupid art is. Its very beauty is its stupidity, and that is not cracking wise. That is true, and I apologize for having such a superficial understanding of that beautiful truth for so long.
And um, I'll be posting updates about this whole changing the world plan.
